Renee Zellerger, in more than one movie, illustrates the thrill of dating the “bad boy”. In “Bridget Jones Diary,” she chooses Daniel, her inappropriate boss, who flirts with her at work and is a notorious womanizer over the quieter, more boring lawyer. We all understand.
In “The Holiday” she is once again with a man who treats her badly. He wants to continue to see her after he announces his engagement to another woman.
Now, of course, these are both examples of romantic comedies and not real life, but a lesser discussed reality, when it comes to having a relationship with a narcissist is intense drama.
Most of the men and women I coach want the drama and the partner they have chosen. What they are seeking is a way to decrease the negative aspects of the relationship. With a narcissist this is not possible. If you continue in an intimate relationship with one, you will suffer.
In order to get their nourishment or narcissistic supply, a narcissist creates havoc in your life. This is seen as “great” times in the form of special treatment, lavish vacations, pampering or whatever you happen to like. Then sudddenly, you are being ignored again, possibly belittled, taunted and lied to.
Life can seem rather plane and uninspiring if you have been with a narcissist. The problem is that if you want to get off of the roller coaster ride of great times followed by terrible times, you must let go completely.
So, if you are deciding to stay, I must ask, “Are you addicted to drama?”