My desire to keep my blog fresh and to add new material is actually turning out to be therapeutic. I know that it has been said before, but it is forcing me to revisit a lot of the bad times in my life. This is a good exercise because in order to “let go” of past hurts, you first need to feel the pain and associated emotions.
It is an unpleasant thing to do so we have all learned how to hide the memories away from our active memories so that we are not hurt by the emotions that surface when we think about bad things.
I have been systematically picking up old memories, dusting them off and letting myself fully remember the experience. This is often a painful and emotional thing to do. Once the feelings have been felt, the memory no longer has any hold on me.
It is rewarding to remember something and have an emotional reaction and then, after doing the work of experiencing the drama again, realizing that the memory no longer has any emotions stuck to it. It seems to go into that file labeled, “Well, yes, that did happen.” It is a place where there is no longer any pain, just a storage unit that contains facts about my past. There is a satisfying feeling associated with it. It makes me feel calm and open.
I do not get a blog post out of each “recovered” memory, so I sometimes have to relive several bad memories in order to find one that I can write a story around. This is resulting in me purging all of this pain. It is exhausting. It is also worth it. What I have been finding is that I will quickly write a few blogs and just choose to post them one per day and then I won’t post for a while. So, bear with me. This is a lot of exhausting work.